0041.

A few days late, but...

So I hope you guys will go check out the blog I wrote about Mocha Club's new campaign: I need Africa more than Africa needs me. If you want to know more, go to mochaclub.org or click the link after this excerpt.



I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME

When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation. AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex slaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. “I am needed here,” I think. “They have so little, and I have so much.” It’s true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa everyday. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in the people. It’s a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day. {read more}





thanks for reading! :-)

0040.

Things I Can Attribute to Growing Up in the Valley:

1. My occasional ability to drive absent-mindedly
2. My inability to make new friends.
3. The bar set in my mind for something qualifying as "sketch" is very low.
4. My willingness to go play capture the flag in 35 degree weather.
5. My initial inferiority complex upon arriving at Belmont.
6. I am easily entertained.
7. I appreciate small town life.
8. I enjoy knowing most everyone. Most of the time...
9. I expect random people I encounter to be nice to me.
10. I expect random people I encounter to know my dad.
11. I have been in the paper umpteen times.
12. I played a varsity sport.
13. I have the best friends ever.

0039.

I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

I was asked by Mocha Club**{see bottom} to blog about why this is so.

I think this statement is one concerning joy.
I think our daily lives and American culture as a whole suffer from a lack of joy, and perhaps it is a result of a lack of trust in God to provide.
We often live, as Francis Chan puts it, as though God doesn't exist. Or at least as if we do not believe He does. This is what he means: we have back-up plans and savings accounts. We have Plan B's and "wiggle room" just in case. We are not often required to trust God.
We are not often required to put all our hope in God to provide.
Therefore, I think, we as a whole are lacking in joy. We don't leave much room for Him to work miracles. How much different would our lives be if we were not so comfortable?

How much more trusting would we be if God were the SOURCE of our life, in the most literal sense, rather than just a part of it?

This is why I believe I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

Now, I have never been to Africa. I can't wait to hear from my friend Jenny who just got back from Kenya. But I have been to Peru and Mexico in areas of extreme poverty. And I can tell you that the joy and generosity they exhibit squashes ours to bits. If they have three shirts, they want to give you one.
If they have a small shack, they want to invite you in.
This is why I believe I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

We can learn so much from their joy and their trust in the Lord. We can learn what it is to truly give.
God will come through for these people. These believers. We are not essential to the plan. Whether or not we choose to be a part of it His great story is secondary.
This is why I believe I need Africa more than Africa needs me.


Why do YOU believe that? Or why do you not believe that?
Share your thoughts in my comments or blog about it yourself! Join Mocha Club's effort to shift from and image of pity to an image of partnership.

Dec 1st there will be another post with some new info on what Mocha Club is doing & how you can help! To Be Continued...

**Mocha Club [www.themochaclub.org] is a community-based website where members can start a team and invite friends to join them in giving $7 a month – the cost of 2 mochas – to support a project in Africa. Mocha Club's vision is to provide a way for people who don't have hundreds or thousands of dollars to make a difference in Africa.

0038.

Once again I have found myself at odds with someone's projection of who they are via Facebook. Apparently this is where I find an abundance of things I disagree with.

Anyways. I noticed this on a Christian someone's"Favorite Quotes" section and had to give in to the urge to blog my little heart out over it.

A heart is not measured by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
~The Wizard of Oz

I find this completely at odds with how Jesus taught and lived.
Was he not the target of much hatred and anger? Did he not say that if the world hates you, remember that it hated Him first?

On the contrary, a heart is very MUCH measured by how much you love regardless of who returns the sentiment. Did Christ not also say, for what good is a man who loves those who love him? Even the Pharisees do that. But the real measure of a heart is how much you love those who cannot and will not ever love you back. The ones that cannot repay you are the ones you are called to serve the most.

We are not called to soak up and bask in all the love we can get from others. (Making people happy is not the point of love.) We are called to stand out. We are called to love until it hurts. And then love some more. Christ loved all the way to his brutal death by the ones WHOM he loved.

If you are hated by, ignored by, or even just confusing to most of the world, chances are you are doing something right.

0037.

Things I Don't Understand.

I got this idea from another blog (http://writeaboutnow.christianstandard.com/) and it sounded right up my alley.


1. the fascination with Ugg boots
2. why "I Kissed A Girl" was so darn catchy and likeable
3. why I continue to watch The Hills
4. how someone can send a text message to the wrong number. that takes effort.
5. why society continues to support Britney in her endeavors..or lack thereof
6. celebrity couple names
7. celebrity baby names
8. people who comment on YouTube videos.
9. why the makers of "Scary Movie" won't just give up
10. the subjunctive tense en Espanol
11. the fact that I got a C in Intermediate College Spanish if I can carry on a conversation with a Peruvian
12. why facebook is so addicting
13. twitter
14. Beowolf in old English
15. why the aforementioned book that tortured me in high school was made into a movie starring angelina jolie as a hideous creature
16. running for pleasure
17. why people can't seem to figure out the difference between "your" and "you're"
18. the stock market and how it can all-of-a-sudden just crash if no one wants it to
19. why 8th graders today don't look HALF as awkward as we did in 8th grade.
20. why there were about 27 Land Before Time movies.
21. people who wear heels to 8am classes.
22. how voices like Sean McConnell and Christy Nockels' exist.
23. Christ's love for us.

0036.

I realize this blog is a little late. I wrote it a few days ago.

I saw a Facebook status (the apparent passive outlet of choice for “passionate” college students) recently that read “Saved, therefore Republican.”

My heart was overcome with a mixture of anger and sadness.
Is this the conclusion we have come to? One party is innately better than the other?
Does this party adhere to more Christ-like standards in any way? Because it is more conservative? Christ was hardly conservative.

Not to say that he was a Democrat, either.

These parties are comprised of people. Broken, corrupt, depraved people. We all are. How can we expect a party, or even a church for that matter, to be exempt from these characteristics?

Jesus constantly challenged politics. He revolutionized society by championing the notion that one should serve God in Heaven above all else. Even the law—y’know, protest the sword if it’s not wielded well.
He even protested tradition.
We serve a King unfathomably larger than man.
Christ never affiliated himself with a political group. Why? He was something altogether different. After all, he was God. God transcends time. He transcends gender. Why would he not also transcend politics?

There are so many more important things to concern ourselves with. I think if all the time spent arguing over politics was spent finding ways to help out the poor or better yet, actually spending time with the poor, there could be significant change for the better.

Yes. You will certainly have your opinions. Who doesn’t? But you are probably not going to change anyone else’s just-as-firmly-rooted opinions with (sometimes hostile) arguing for 3 hours.
It’s enough to make anyone’s head explode.

I know I’m getting off-base, here. I’m trying to organize the thoughts swirling around in my head at the mention of this statement.

I think that as Christians, we are called to live set apart from the constrictions and labels men place on other men. We are not to affiliate ourselves with a candidate so strongly that we immediately judge someone based on what candidate they choose to vote for.
We are to affiliate ourselves with Christ and live radically, not conforming to the patterns of this world. I think one of the patterns of this world is becoming enveloped in and identified so much by a party or a candidate that we are willing to cut down others in order to be correct.
We refuse to voice our opinions with love and gentleness. Rather, we voice them with an air of arrogance and vindictiveness. Anything, even statements which merit no response, to disprove the other and have the upper hand.

No one knows how the plans of the president elect will pan out—whether they will do what they say they will do, whether what they do will be “successful” (whatever that means—more money for the US of A? I don’t know.). Maybe your candidate will be the best leader the world has ever seen. Maybe he will be the worst. Maybe we have no real way of establishing objective qualities that determine a “good” or “bad” president.

But as Derek Webb so eloquently puts it, “we’ll NEVER have a Savior on Capitol Hill.”

I am a Christ follower first, above any other category we place on ourselves. Even “Democrat.” Even “Republican.” Even “American.”

0035.

The Tale of the Magical Wicked Parking Garage: A True Story

by Laura Fagan

October 24th, 2008.
5:55pm

Nicole and I had arrived downtown for a rally on behalf of the residents of Tent City. We discovered a parking garage across the street from our intended destination, the Metro Courthouse. The following is an account of what ensued.

We crept up the spiral ramp in order to enter the garage. Immediately we realize that this is no ordinary parking garage. Spiral staircases do not exactly facilitate escalation for anyone in pedestrian life, nor would it translate well to the automobile world.
This ramp is centered in the parking garage, seemingly connecting all of the floors (which we later determined to be untrue).
We apparently had entered upon a blue ramp, which will be important to remember for the reader.
We found an appropriate parking space on floor 4 and proceeded to the next logical location: the elevator.
After pressing the button depicting a downwards arrow, we realized that this button was clearly out of order. No light was indicating we had, in fact, pressed the button. We thought perhaps the light was just broken, but after pressing it numerous additional times and waiting a few minutes, we realized the elevator was out of order.

We found the alternative and started descending down flights of stairs. Upon reaching where the door marked "1" should be, we saw only a concrete wall. We shrugged, a little perplexed, but continued down the stairs. We opened the only (unlabeled) door and found ourselves in a concrete cave of a hallway with a door on each end. One had no signs of leading to the outside world, so we proceeded to the one marked "Exit" (non-emergency) complete with a hand written sign reading "push hard." We did, indeed "push hard" on the crash bar several times, but found ourselves trapped. In Narnia. Only it was much sketchier, and there was no lightpost in which to travel back safely through the wardrobe. After allowing ourselves a small freak-out (what screams horror movie more than 2 young girls trapped in a dark hallway in a basement of a parking garage??), we were able to go back up the 2nd floor and take a functional elevator from there.

AFTER the rally the real confusion began. We attempted to find my car on floor 4. The panel in the elevator with the floor buttons was separated into two colors, even numbers on a Red panel, and odd numbers on a Blue panel. We pressed the only 4 we could find (Red). My car was nowhere to be found. We could see blue writing and a "4" on a floor below us from where we stood, and figured we could simply enter the spiral ramp and get off at the other side, spilling us out into the blue side. Yet the red coded spiral ramp in the center ran parallel to yet another blue coded spiral. Never do the two meet. Our only plan was out the window. There is no way to get to the Blue side where we now realize my car must be residing.

Where was the elevator that went to the Blue Fourth Floor??

We wandered a bit more and found what was apparently a different magical elevator that takes you to a different realm of floors. This time the 4 was on the Blue side. We were saved!!

Sure enough, upon exiting the elevator, my car was in sight and accessible. Apparently magical elevator is the only way by which one can reach all the floors.

Now, I ask you, WHO designed this parking garage?
What was the reasoning behind combining two separate yet parallel parking garages and connecting them only by way of elevator?
Why the color coding?
Whose idea was it to make two elevators that don't go to the same set of floors?

These are the questions we were left to ponder after paying 8 dollars to experience this...

0034.

Reasons Why I Feel Like I Should Move to Mars:


1. The economy is imploding.
The Dow Jones went down 777 points, which is apparently super bad. (What is the Dow Jones and what the heck is this alleged point system?)

2. It is impossible to live above the poverty line (about 20,000 dollars a year) on minimum wage.

3. Apparently, hospitals can charge people without health insurance 500 dollars to come into an ER and receive a 40 dollar ace bandage.

4. I have no idea how to even go about trying to help fix numbers 2 and 3. Not the policies, just help those struggling with them. But I think I am going to try anyways. I just have to figure out a small way.

5. Most things about America now confuse me. The fact that we can even talk in amounts of 700 Billion dollars just blows my mind. The perpetual cycle of poverty blows my mind. The fact that I am typing on a portable computer that I didn't even buy myself and I will drive by a person who does not know if he will eat tonight blows my mind. The fact that we have tv shows in which people turn down massive amounts of money in the attempt to attain more massive amounts of money blows my mind. Crazy.

Now, I realize the solution is not running from problems that seem overwhelming. So I can't move to Mars. (That and the fact that planet can't sustain life.)

Anyways. This isn't some sort of political statement. Just a list of things that are currently overwhelming my heart & mind. I have to figure out how to get myself to start seeing others (ALL others. Across the world) as my family.

(Also I'm currently watching a commercial with Michael Phelps promoting Rosetta Stone language learning software...really??)

0033.

My friend Jenny got me Shane Claiborne's The Irresistible Revolution for my birthday this year. I'm bad at not finishing books, but I am going to finish this one. Especially before he speaks at Belmont.
It's a very challenging book. It puts thoughts in your head that won't go away. And they probably shouldn't.

It makes me think about far bigger pictures than just college and getting "in" when it comes to the music industry. Because honestly, I don't really care about the corporate-ness of the music industry.
I would love to help out artists that I believe have talent and something worth relating to our generation. But helping Jessica Simpson hit platinum again? No thanks. The world doesn't need more of that perspective. I'd probably lie awake at night if I were helping to make the super-rich richer while the poor suffer.

ANYWAYS. All this to say, shane is an extremist for Christ's love.

Here are some great quotes from The Irresistible Revolution.

"It can be hard to hear the gentle whisper of the Spirit amid the noise of Christendom."

"Jesus was crucified not for helping poor people but for joining them. That is the Jesus we follow."\

"Rather than do what makes sense to us and ask God's blessing, we'd do better to surround ourselves with those whom God promises to bless, and then we need not ask God's blessing." (think: beatitudes)

(actually from his college professor)"All around you people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe." (A well-needed lesson for me to hear..)

"God, forgive us for all those we have lost because we made the Gospel boring. ...It's because we make the Gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult."

"While the ghettos may have their share of violence and crime, the suburbs are the home of the more subtle demonic forces--numbness, complacency, comfort--and it is these that can eat away at our souls."

"If people really knew what idiots we are, in all our brokenness and vulnerability, they would know that they can give this thing a shot too. Christianity is for sick people."

0032.

So, lots of interesting things were said in sociology today.

There was one in particular I WISH I had written down, because now I can't remember. And I wanted to write about it. I'm hoping starting the blog regardless will jog my memory.

1. It was interesting to me, this morning, to realize how AWARE we are of our problems as a country. Not politically, but culturally. We know we eat too much fast food. We know we are hyper consumers. We know we use credit too much, hence debt is the norm rather than the exception. We know we tend to push cultural things like McDonald's and Wal-Mart on other nations' cultures. We know we spend more money on ourselves in one day than we probably do on the less fortunate the entire month. Yet we do it anyways.
People write about it all the time, and we complain about it all the time. No one likes being seen as a hyper-consumer. At least I don't. But we just kind of accept our identity as such and move on with life.
I don't have a realistic solution to this problem, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless.

2. Now, granted, I didn't read the assigned pages for today, but yesterday was a very busy day. Also I just don't like to read for homework. But part of the reading was about American culture---the effects of McDonalds, Credit Cards, etc...and how we effect other countries.
Anyways. Our teacher mentioned this thing called the "protestant work ethic." She explained that this "protestant work ethic" was the whole idea of working really hard to exhibit faith. Working super long hours for the glory of God. This is, supposedly, how the American workaholic lifestyle came to be. Only now, the faith has fallen by the way-side (what does that even mean?) and we're left with just the long hours.

Now, the protestant revolution, if my 9th grade world history serves me correctly was all about salvation by faith. A personal God. Martin Luther was all about relating to God on a personal level and not having to go through a priest to do so. But the point being, faith, not works, for salvation. Works couldn't and still can't earn salvation.
So why the protestant WORK ethic? Why were protestants associated with working super long hours for God's glory? It's just strange that it was protestant-related.
I don't know. I thought it was interesting/made no sense.

OH.
I think the thing she asked that i was forgetting was, why do we think the faith has gone/what happened to it?
That was something I wanted to really think about, but we moved on too quickly because class was over. Well, first of all, who is to say that any more people were working for the glory of God in the 50's than they are now? But assuming this theory of the protestant work ethic is true, I think people probably just got so focused on working, working, working, the drive to succeed, that they were then only concerned with the working itself and what it produced--money. Then money becomes the goal.

My teacher also said (not as her own personal opinion) that the protestant belief system allows for wealth. It's okay to be wealthy, as long as you don't make it your idol. She did say, however, that that actually may contradict many biblical principles--give to the poor, if you have something, give it away. But some believed/believe if you are wealthy, it is because God willed it so. So it's okay. Right? (No! I wanted to say. All the more reason to give it back to Him--it's not yours anyways.)

While this is good in theory, I think it's probably really hard to be wealthy and still worship God for all that He is & all that He provides. We can't grasp Him as much. I regret that fact as I and many others live very comfortably, we are blinded sometimes to how much we actually need Him. We do not have to put extreme faith in God in order to have peace that we will have another meal tomorrow. I don't know. I don't think everyone should give up everything and live on the streets. But I think it is very risky to live a wealthy lifestyle, simply because we are human. Money is tempting and we know that. We can't love both God & Money.

I need to live like I think.

This was a long stream of consciousness of ramblings remembering my sociology class today. I hope that at least some of it made sense. And I know that none of it was super novel concepts or anything, but it was just interesting that it came up in sociology.

0031.

bleh. i'm not happy with the ending of the last thing I wrote.

it was getting too long and i decided to wrap it up.

but that's not how life happens. in reality, she probably would've tossed the card aside & kept looking through the desk. maybe something perky girl did would spark her interest. maybe something someone who is not a christian does might spark her interest.

but i just wanted to write a disclaimer of sorts and say that i'm not happy with the way i ended the last story, so please don't roll your eyes. :) i'll start writing more often, i think. that'll be a school-year-resolution.

for carlin & maybe the 1 or 2 other people that don't see me everyday, here are things that are going on in my life:

1. class started. it's been easy so far. lots of syllabuses. syllabi?
2. i'm applying to work with the student ministry at my church. i want to co-lead a small group, but i don't really know if that will be the case since i think they've already started for the year.
3. i discovered the amazingness of the Gabe Dixon Band yesterday.
4. i'm reading Psalms, and it's more intriguing than i thought it might be. i pretty much want to underline every 4th verse.
5. derek webb + shane claiborne speaking at lipscomb tomorrow night. yay!

umm...that's all, basically. life is pretty good. :)

0030.

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from You."
Psalm 16:1-2


I remember stumbling up the grey cement steps that day. I took them slowly, placing both feet on one before moving to the next. Someone, a big someone, brushed past me in a frenzy, knocking me down to my knees on account of my already unstable legs. The impact of some loose gravel stung in my right palm. I winced, and fought back unnecessary tears. I wanted to turn around and go home. No, I wanted to curl up in a ball and have no one notice me. Seeing as that was unlikely, I put my weight on my left hand and managed to stand, brushing off my dress. My worn book laid spread out on the step.
I sighed and bent to pick it up. My safe haven. I'd read it several times, but I brought it with me to hide my face behind during lunch.
I took a deep breath and braved the last two steps. I peered around my shoulder at the surrounding crowd of teenagers. None of them looked friendly. I stood out, obviously. None of them were wearing dresses. I knew that would happen. My russet skin and long, dark, silky hair gave me away. Wisconsin? Really?
When I found out I was going to get to go to the States for a semester, I was thinking New York. Los Angeles. Chicago. Somewhere exciting! Not a small town, filled with blue-eyed judgement.

Turning back around, I peered up at the purple lettering on the face of the building. Trinity Christian Academy. I let out breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Christian. These people were Christians. That wasn't something I was used to, but I'd always known He was real. Maybe it won't be so bad.

I shuffled into the building through double glass doors. Immediately my head started spinning. It was as if I had stepped into an arena filled with 20,000 people. The level of noise with the combined laughing, talking, yelling across the hall...it was almost deafening. I spun around 180 degrees. Then back again. Where was I going again? Biological...something...I needed to work on my English.

"Hi! Can I help you find something?"
I turned my head to the right to see a perky blonde, blue eyed girl donning a t-shirt detailing something resembling a Coca-Cola logo. I squinted and recognized the English "Christ" in there somewhere. I chuckled on the inside a little bit.
"Um..." I managed to mutter. Her enthusiasm was hard to ignore. I tried to translate in my head.
"I am...looking...for this?" I showed her my schedule, pointing at the first class. This language-barrier thing is no joke.

"Sure!" she exclaimed. "I'm going there too!"
Just as I was attempting to inwardly translate, she yanked my arm and I was moving along with the current of people in the hallway.
We got to Biological...something-or-other right as an obnoxious bell sounded across campus. The silence was now deafening. That would take some getting used to.
People stared at me. That was to be expected, I guess. Judging from my experience on the steps earlier. Their eyes were piercing, actually. I wondered what I did to deserve such treatment.
Even perky girl smiled and turned to her friend, brown-haired perky girl and whispered. I rolled my eyes. This is why I don't claim to be a "Christian." Who wants that kind of hypocrisy hanging over your head?

I didn't really understand anything the teacher said for the following 47 minutes, so I started rummaging through the desk I sat in. I found a chewed-on pencil. Some wadded up paper. 3 coins--who knows what they were worth. Exchange rate and all. But something caught my eye.
It was a small, and purple. A business card, or something. I slid it out from under a couple wads of paper and tried to read it. "Preserve." Okay. Preserve. The first word is preserve. What did that mean again? Ugh.
Then, underneath, I noticed a translation. Spanish! Yes!
"Preserve me, O God, for in You I take refuge. I say to the Lord, You are my God. I have no good apart from you."

Whoa. Whoever left that there was seriously into the religion thing. Oh right--"Christian" school. Hm. But something about it made me think. Preserve me. PRESERVE me. Maybe it was more than the t-shirt wearing perk. I didn't need t-shirts or perk. The statement had such weight. NO good apart from God? Really? Huh. I think I'll look into this.

0029.

A story.


Shouts of diluted "praise" filled the room while a man in a tailored suit shone his pearly whites at the crowd, spurring them on with "Amen! Yes! Amen!" He didn't hear that. As soon as he creaked open the door in the back of the daunting room, he was overwhelmed by the hundreds of desperate souls attempting to scrape up and store a little "joy" out of these 56 minutes to last them the rest of the week. His ears shut it all out. The silence in his head was almost deafening as he slowly walked down the aisle. No one broke from their yelps of "Amen" (to every empty promise the well-dressed smile turned out) to look at his clearly troubled face as he trudged by them. His heart gradually started to beat faster. The smiles on the faces of the middle-aged attendees seemed to mock his twenty-something soul. His trudge suddenly turned into a purposeful march of sorts. He was approaching the 4 steps leading up to the blue carpeted stage upon which the shiny man was proclaiming.
"You can do anything with this Book! God does not want you to suffer! Read this Book; you will succeed!"

His wobbling legs began ascending the steps. One. Two. Three. Four.

"You can live a successful li--" The shiny man stopped.

He looked at Shiny Man with a piercing stare. He turned to the crowd and cried out,
"THIS is not real!!
PAIN is real!!
My pain is real!
Where is God in PAIN?"

He collapsed to the blue carpet in sobs.
Shiny Man's polished face faded into a shade of red.
The yelps of "Amen!" were nowhere to be found.

0029.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the player's blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

What were you doing 5 years ago?

1. about a school-year into my 3-year-long fixation on the same boy...& about to get my heart broken
2. rooting for Clay Aiken on American Idol
3. still on swim team
4. apparently winning the math award for my grade, says my journal
5. embarking on my quest to not conform. haha. also growing my bangs out.


What are 5 things on your to-do list today?

1. sleep in
2. clean my bathroom
3. do something fun
4. enjoy not working
5. watch jon & kate plus 8

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

1.peanut butter ritz bits
2. fuji apples
3. mountain trail mix from walmart
4. chocolate
5. cheez its

What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. keep enough to be financially independent
2. maybe visit europe
3. and then i'd have to just give the rest to like, sudan or the villages outside of Lima...it would make me feel sick if i knew i had that much money and they have nothing
4.
5.

What are 5 of your bad habits?

1. not putting clothes away for a couple days
2. forgetting
3. not seizing the day
4. procrastinating to the max
5. forgetting to read my bible and doing these lame surveys instead (that for some reason entertain me so much)

What are 5 jobs you have had?

1. Waiter at the country club
2. lifeguard at the country club
3. beaman slc on campus
4. camp glisson counselor
5. babysitting

What are 5 places you have lived?

1. Woodstock, NB, Canada
2. Lanett, AL
3. if camp counts, Dahlonega, GA
4. Nashville, TN
5. that's it.

What 5 people do you want to tag?

um, i can't think of anyone else who reads my blog.
carlin or noelle? if they read it?

0028.

So, school is done. finally. yay.

I leave for Peru in TWO freaking days.

wow.

It hasn't quite hit me yet--i was in finals mode until Tuesday.

I'm kind of nervous. for various reasons.

But God is good & I have confidence that He is sovereign.
I will try to listen to Him while I'm there & do what He wants me to do.


Please pray for us! let GOD arise..

0027.

yay i love surveys!! and procrastinating!


i am: not studying.
i think: life shouldn't be so complicated.
i know: my God saves the day. seriously.
i want: to figure out what i am supposed to do with my life.
i have: love.
i wish: school wasn't required in order to not work at mcdonald's.
i hate: that the world is so broken.
i miss: my CIT loves and my high school friends.
i fear: not doing anything significant with my life or making the wrong life decisions. also people that break into houses.
i feel: ready to be rid of Intellectual Properties.
i hear: Adam & Nicole talking, and wind.
i smell: nothing significant.
i crave: companionship.
i search: wikipedia when i don't know what something is.
i wonder: sometimes what would've been in different scenarios.
i regret: not being upfront with people when i should've.
i love: Christ.
i ache: sometimes to have that circle of best friends i grew up with again like in high school.
i care: too much sometimes.
i always: sleep on my back.
i am not: one to step on others to get where I want to be.
i believe: one thing is more important than anything else.
i dance: rarely.
i sing: loudly in the car.
i don't always: remember things.
i fight: rarely, but when i sincerely believe i am right.
i write: for myself.
i win: rarely.
i lose: often.
i never: go anywhere without something on my wrists.
i confuse: my left & right.
i listen: when someone needs to talk.
i can usually be found: drinking Diet Coke.
i am scared: of the real world.
i need: to study and pack.
i am happy about: moving!

0026.

I will not be restrained by my so-called personality type.
I cannot use it as an excuse.
Let the Holy Spirit work through me. Then anything is possible.
For the Lord did NOT give us a spirit of timidity!

...Let GOD arise.

0025.

Good [Heart-Breaking, Sweet, Powerful, World-Changing] Friday..

I'm not sure why they settled on the word "good" to put in front of "Friday." "Good" is so vague and overused now. It's nondescriptive to us. Something that continues to save our lives every day is more than just "good."
I'm sure there's some long historical description of how something-or-other got lost in translation...but "good" doesn't cover it.

It's so heavy to think about. I know that it wasn't this EXACT day all those years ago. But if you think about it as, wow... on this day, some 2000 years ago, my Savior, the King of the universe, was killed. By our sin and at the hands of men.

It's heartbreaking.

My church at home had a good friday service tonight. And while usually I don't get a lot out of my old church, this was actually pretty cool and emotive. They did the last 7 phrases/sentences Christ spoke, and between each one they sang a song. After each song/phrase, they extinguished one of 7 candles, until at the end it was completely dark and we sat in silence.

It was actually really good for me to experience. I haven't been focused on Easter at all until about Thursday night when I realized how close it was.

During the service, I thought about how even more devastating it would've been back then--with no knowledge of the glorious resurrection that is to come (or at least none that they remembered). For them, all hope was lost. Their King and Savior had been killed. Game Over.
So even when our hearts are heavy, as they should be, and we are sad that our King has been crucified, we know what is to come. We have experienced the magnificence of our King defeating death, that which no man has ever done or will ever do. We have joy and relief to mix in with our previous sorrow for how we have done this to Him through our sin.

I can't wait till tomorrow when Christ is RISEN!!!


Sin, Where are your shackles?
Death, Where is your sting?
Hell has been defeated!
The grave could not hold The KING!

0024.

So, I did that personality test Jontay posted.

And I'm an ISFJ: Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging.


A lot of what it says is so true about me. A few things I don't comply with--but I mean, really. People are incredibly complex so there's no way it could describe everyone individually.

But it is kind of weird how accurate some of it is...
Here are some quotes from the websites about ISFJ's that fit me:

-The primary desire of the Protector Guardian is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life (the Provider's concern), as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security.

***-They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Providers, except with close friends and relatives. With these they can chat tirelessly about the ups and downs in their lives, moving (like all the Guardians) from topic to topic as they talk over their everyday concerns. However, their shyness with strangers is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth these Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need.

-Their quietness ought really to be seen as an expression, not of coldness, but of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose.

- unusual talent for executing routines

-Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them.

*(haha, craig)-if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment

-Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation)
(um--YES.)


man..

0023.

This isn't about the show itself or how great it was, but.. it's something I wanted to put into words, so it'd be awesome if you read it. :-)

I wanted to write that I went to a Coheed & Cambria/Linkin Park show last night. And it was incredible. Mostly Coheed. But my point is this...Linkin Park did a few songs where it was just the two "famous" guys, one playing piano and the other singing. With just like, two spotlights. And as I watched them sing and play with all their hearts, I couldn't help but ache knowing how much they could love Jesus if they gave him a chance. And who knows, maybe they DO know Jesus. I am no judge. But just going with the odds, here.

But they sing with such passion about wanting someone to come home to. About wanting that comfort in their lives. About wanting war to stop and feeling pain and love for broken people...a lot of the songs I heard were about that. One of their songs even sings the simple chorus of: "Amen...Amen...Amen..." And is titled "hands held high." And as they held their hands high and the lead singer sang "Amen," with all his soul, I couldn't help but fight back tears because I know what he is searching for and I prayed with all my heart that he would find Him. With all that love, and with all that aching because of the brokenness of the world, i could just feel how great those people could be used for the Glory of God. And my heart broke a little that they probably don't know Him.

But maybe they do. And maybe that's why they sing with so much conviction. Who knows. But Looking at them and back at the crowd, I definitely had an overwhelming ache for the souls of everyone around me...

Video Below.


thank you for reading if you got this far... :)

0022.

I miss playing guitar. I am going to do it more often. I wish I had more opportunity to.

Trying to figure out what to do with your life is a little stressful.

Good thing God knows how it will turn out. Because I don't.
Which actually brings up interesting thoughts of predestination & sovereignty that I haven't quite read or thought about long enough yet to give a proper analysis-blog on.

Anyways. My family is coming today and I'm happy about that.

I'm going to write a better blog soon. Really.

0021.

what a depressing day.

it's cold and rainy.

and i got extremely frustrated in my audio class today.

i'm so not going to econ right now.

i am curled up in my princess blanket watching Family Matters, eating m&ms and drinking diet coke.

it makes me feel better about life.

0020.

Reasons why we should not have had to go to school in the last week:

1. Alleged Gunmen on campus.

2. 14 Degree Weather.

3. Because I awoke one dark morning and glanced at my clock, only to see that it was not on. I looked at my cd player and various other things in my room which were not gleaming back at me either. So I flipped the switch on the surge protector, but it did nothing. I looked at my phone: 5:13 AM. The power is out! Maybe we won't have school! I went back to sleep, dreamed sweet dreams that included having a "Fun Day" instead of school (I don't know.). I awoke 2 hours later to the not-so-dulcet tones of my phone alarm only to find that my room was the only room without power. And then I had to go to school.
Seriously? That kind of disappointment should act as a get-out-of-school-free pass.

4. 11 Degree Weather.

5. Everyone ELSE got snow...that's just not fair. I'm all for the promotion of fairness. And also, the kind of disappointment we suffer day after day by the recurrent LACK of snow in teen-degree weather is JUST wrong.

6. Martin Luther King, Jr. deserves more than one day. He revolutionized society.

7. Heath Ledger died. He deserves respect. Really, he does. I mean, I still can't believe he just..doesn't exist anymore. Our student body is experiencing shock over this.

8.Because, really? Who wants to listen to Copyright Law at 8 o'clock in the morning anyways?

0019.

So, I read a Live Journal entry from today 3 years ago. 2005.

Wow.

it's me ranting about how the Bible was not written by man and was written through man by God.

But it was not tactful at all.

Honestly? I used the word "dudes" to describe authors of the Old Testament.

Some of my reasoning I disagree with now, although I definitely still believe my overall stance.
I just thought it was interesting..

Also, while I'm feeling nostalgic, I'd like to quote something I wrote on my friend Sarah's wall in September of 2006. It made me laugh.

[The church] had like horns and this whole band playing music--and there were 4 trombone players (one of which was a girl and brought back painful jr. high memories) and I was seriously considering running up, snatching one of those trombones and blessing everyone with a rousing rendition of Larger Than Life, then during the awkward silence that would inevitably result from my outburst, i would place the trombone back in the lap of the owner, clear my throat, and run out the door.


I think I used to be wittier.
Maybe I'll try to write a story next.

oh yeah, go listen to Kate Voegele.

0018.

Things to do more in 2k8:

1. Exercise.
2. Write.
3. Play Guitar.
4. Read.
5. Be Involved.


Things to do less in 2k8:

1. Watch Disney Channel. (Although, y'know,not too much. Come on. Hannah Montana is on.)