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The Tale of the Magical Wicked Parking Garage: A True Story

by Laura Fagan

October 24th, 2008.
5:55pm

Nicole and I had arrived downtown for a rally on behalf of the residents of Tent City. We discovered a parking garage across the street from our intended destination, the Metro Courthouse. The following is an account of what ensued.

We crept up the spiral ramp in order to enter the garage. Immediately we realize that this is no ordinary parking garage. Spiral staircases do not exactly facilitate escalation for anyone in pedestrian life, nor would it translate well to the automobile world.
This ramp is centered in the parking garage, seemingly connecting all of the floors (which we later determined to be untrue).
We apparently had entered upon a blue ramp, which will be important to remember for the reader.
We found an appropriate parking space on floor 4 and proceeded to the next logical location: the elevator.
After pressing the button depicting a downwards arrow, we realized that this button was clearly out of order. No light was indicating we had, in fact, pressed the button. We thought perhaps the light was just broken, but after pressing it numerous additional times and waiting a few minutes, we realized the elevator was out of order.

We found the alternative and started descending down flights of stairs. Upon reaching where the door marked "1" should be, we saw only a concrete wall. We shrugged, a little perplexed, but continued down the stairs. We opened the only (unlabeled) door and found ourselves in a concrete cave of a hallway with a door on each end. One had no signs of leading to the outside world, so we proceeded to the one marked "Exit" (non-emergency) complete with a hand written sign reading "push hard." We did, indeed "push hard" on the crash bar several times, but found ourselves trapped. In Narnia. Only it was much sketchier, and there was no lightpost in which to travel back safely through the wardrobe. After allowing ourselves a small freak-out (what screams horror movie more than 2 young girls trapped in a dark hallway in a basement of a parking garage??), we were able to go back up the 2nd floor and take a functional elevator from there.

AFTER the rally the real confusion began. We attempted to find my car on floor 4. The panel in the elevator with the floor buttons was separated into two colors, even numbers on a Red panel, and odd numbers on a Blue panel. We pressed the only 4 we could find (Red). My car was nowhere to be found. We could see blue writing and a "4" on a floor below us from where we stood, and figured we could simply enter the spiral ramp and get off at the other side, spilling us out into the blue side. Yet the red coded spiral ramp in the center ran parallel to yet another blue coded spiral. Never do the two meet. Our only plan was out the window. There is no way to get to the Blue side where we now realize my car must be residing.

Where was the elevator that went to the Blue Fourth Floor??

We wandered a bit more and found what was apparently a different magical elevator that takes you to a different realm of floors. This time the 4 was on the Blue side. We were saved!!

Sure enough, upon exiting the elevator, my car was in sight and accessible. Apparently magical elevator is the only way by which one can reach all the floors.

Now, I ask you, WHO designed this parking garage?
What was the reasoning behind combining two separate yet parallel parking garages and connecting them only by way of elevator?
Why the color coding?
Whose idea was it to make two elevators that don't go to the same set of floors?

These are the questions we were left to ponder after paying 8 dollars to experience this...