0043.

A story spawned from boredom.


I sit. I stare. That is all I seem to ever do, lately. I rock back and forth in my weathered wicker chair. Knitting seems less than appealing. Maybe I'll rekindle the fire. It's still burning bright. I feel like it's been hours since I lit it. I sigh and look around at the familiar living room. The grandfather clock in the corner mocks me. It is only 6:30. There is too much time left in the day. I've exhausted all my options. I've cooked. I've cleaned. Nothing left now but to be haunted by my thoughts yet again...

The furious pounding on the door frightened me, I remember. I flung my utensils in the air and had to brace myself with the kitchen table to avoid what could've been a serious back injury. "KATHERINE!!" My breath became short and my heart began to beat like a tribal drum. My brother only says my name like that in times of great distress. The pounding continued. I raced to the old wooden door and fumbled with the latch. The door flung open and knocked me to my feet.

"Katherine! Get out. We have to go. He's--He's on a rampage!"

My stomach churned. I knew who he meant, but in an attempt to comfort my mind, I managed to squeak out, "Who?"

Without so much as a blink to acknowledge my query, he seized my arm and dragged me into the relentless rain. The thunder cracked, immediately followed by a flash of lightning.

"There's no time!" he yelled.
"Where are we going??" I shouted back.

He simply kept repeating, "There's no time...there's no time!"

He flung me into the back of a wagon drawn by frightened horses, black as the night sky.
"Listen to me. He will be here soon. There is no way he would leave this town without you. Ride until you come to Roulesburg. Thomas will meet you there; he's gone ahead."

"But--where--I mean, aren't you coming?"

"Constable Livingston has asked me to stay and keep watch. Do not be afraid. I will see you soon."

Footsteps grinding against the gravel grew louder by the second. He was almost here.

"GO!" Samuel yelled.

"But--"

"GO." I had never seen his face so stern.

"KATHERINE." a voice growled from behind my brother. Samuel turned slowly to face him as he whispered, "Please. Just go."

My eyes locked on those of my pursuer. Just as I had remembered, but darker. Filled with fire and passionate anger.
My heart sunk as my stomach lurched simultaneously.
He was no longer the love of my youth. Innocent. Free. He was a monster.

In an instant my mind flashed to 3 summers ago. He was wild and outgoing. Kind, yet misunderstood. Since the day he arrived in our town, he was virtually shunned by all. My parents were no different. We were therefore made to see one another in secret, until Father Connelly saw us together. They accused him of horrid things. Kidnapping. Theft. Rape. He tried to reason with the judge. They did not listen. They arrested him, ridiculed him, and ran him out of town.
He tried to come back for me. They beat him, laughed, and told no one. I saw and no one listened to me. I wept every day for two years.

And now, here we are. Has his love and indignant rage become so powerful that it has taken over his sanity? What has he done?

But there he was. My love for whom I had waited to return. I wanted to run into his arms and look into his dark eyes. Somehow they still comforted me. No. He was not my Graham anymore. He was a terror.

My brother had dashed to the horses, commanding them to take off. "Take the reins, Katherine! Now!"

My eyes were still locked on Graham's as they grew farther and farther away and faded into the darkness. I forced myself to turn around and grab the reins. Tears poured from my eyes, blurring my vision. I lifted my sleeve to my eyes and blotted the moisture away...

I sit. I stare, as tears well up in my eyes as they have every night for 20 years. I won't let them tell me what happened to him. I prefer to imagine that he is well. As am I.

0042.

this blog is also late. i was pretty busy around actual new years day, so January 4th will have to do.


2008.
It's really hard for me to reflect all the way back to January of last year, so I'm using my journal to assist me.

I started actually attempting to work out on a semi-regular basis this year. really. It all started when Dave Ramsey spoke at our church (go figure, he goes to Fellowship too) in January and talked about this metaphorical pie chart of life. 6 different areas of your life you can serve God by being intentional in (i.e. family, intellectual, physical, spiritual, career, social...) so I was like, okay. I'm gonna do this. I am going to work out more often because I want to be healthy in order to serve God better. It's much easier when you do something for a higher purpose than just out of guilt or shame from eating 4 cookies.


I turned 20. I am a score old. I don't know how this happened. I don't think I want to grow up yet.

I came to an epiphany. All throughout junior high & high school, I focused my life on staying away from "bad" things. I didn't smoke. I didn't drink. And I avoided anyone who did so. Now, I don't really judge myself for that because it was what I thought was right at the time. But I now know that I wasted so much time NOT doing things. NOT drinking. NOT hanging out with nonchristians, that I never got to know those people. I never had time to love them. I have since tried to refocus my life on DOING things. Acting on what I believe to be true. It is not enough to merely live in a Christian bubble. I must help mend the broken hearts and love those who cannot love me back.

This epiphany can be attributed in part to a book called The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne. My friend Jenny gave it to me for my birthday and it shifted my perspective on life. It was frustrating but amazing at the same time.

I went to Peru. It was great, but I wish I had formed more relationships with the people there. Hopefully I can go back some time. And I got to use my Spanish, which I loved.

I've gotten closer to a few of my girl friends in Nashville, which I really needed. :)

And I've realized that no one could ever come close to replacing my best friends in the Valley. Talking to them until 4:30am proves that.

Coheed melted my face off at the Sommet Center.

I saw Hootie and the Blowfish in concert. Too bad Darius Rucker thinks he's country now.

I gained a newfound appreciation for Rihanna.

I went to a rally against wiping out Tent City in Nashville and became more aware of homelessness in our city.

I think my sociology class and shane claiborne made me become an activist.

Debate 08 owned my life for two and a half months.

I got an internship at INO Records. (see: Derek Webb, Sara Groves, and currently The Fray)

Derek Webb's lyrics spoke to my soul.

Sean McConnell reinforced the fact that he owns songwriting (at least in my heart).

I became a member of Fellowship Bible Church and feel more at home at Inversion via the Peru trip & getting to sing in the worship band sometimes.

I realized that there's no such thing as a "cute" overload when you're watching Jon & Kate plus 8. :)

I experienced JUST how humid Baton Rouge, Louisiana REALLY is in July.

I got to hang out with my brother a lot more, which was cool.

We FINALLY went camping!

My 8th grade crush, nay, "future husband" got married.

I missed camp.

One of my childhood bffs got married. weird.

I became the bomb at racquetball.

I actually watched the olympics.

I tried to get to know people better and/or meet people.

I started working with the youth at my church. They're fun.

I went to NYC with my family, family friends, and craig. :) It was so fun.

I survived a gas shortage.

I crawled through a mud pit obstacle course with ninth graders in 40 degree weather.

I have still successfully avoided Ugg boots.

0041.

A few days late, but...

So I hope you guys will go check out the blog I wrote about Mocha Club's new campaign: I need Africa more than Africa needs me. If you want to know more, go to mochaclub.org or click the link after this excerpt.



I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME

When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation. AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex slaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. “I am needed here,” I think. “They have so little, and I have so much.” It’s true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa everyday. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in the people. It’s a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day. {read more}





thanks for reading! :-)